A personal story from a pen-friend turned out to be profoundly healing.  Below’s what she wrote (names have been changed for confidentiality): Before meeting Cal, I had this boyfriend – Russ – who had always treated me right in every way, loving me so much that it was incredible.  We were together for almost a year, but after 7 months of dating, all of a sudden, my feelings for him kind of disappeared.

I had a really hard time, with my roller coaster emotions. One day I felt like shit, and when I looked at Russ, it was like he were a stranger. And the other day, all of a sudden, I was so in love. It was so exhausting, mentally. I thought I had some kind of schizophrenia in the area of feelings.

We tried to make it work, but I just continued hurting his feelings. I wasn’t in love anymore. But I couldn’t understand why. He is such a wonderful person, we have so much in common, we can talk about everything. There is a soul connection between us. I didn’t want to realize our love had ended. We had a beautiful time, so spiritually developing.

One day at the train station with my friend Veness, I saw Cal. (We had bumped into each other like 5 months ago and hanged out for like 2 hours, but that was it, no exchanging of numbers or anything.) We immediately got eye contact, staring into each other’s eyes. I knew he was familiar, so I said to my Veness, “I recognize him from somewhere.” Then Cal said, “We have met before right? Come here, sit by my side”

We talked for a while, and exchanged numbers at the last second. (He got my number and ran to his train). The day after we hung out at Veness place, ate some mushrooms, and had such a fun time and a deep connection. We fell in love instantly. That experience will always be so profound to me.

The day after I couldn’t stop thinking about him. (I was still in a relationship with Russ). Cal and I texted each other for a entire week, and then we decided to meet. I hadn’t talked to Russ all that much during the week; deep inside me I knew what was going to happen. I just couldn’t take to rip his heart out. I was afraid of letting our relationship go.

After a week of texting, Cal and I met. I was unfaithful to Russ. The day after meeting Cal though, I told Russ everything. He got really sad, and me too. I knew I had done a mistake; I mistreated him; this wonderful person, who would never do me no harm. So that took quite some energy from me.

I don’t regret anything, as everything has led me to Cal.  Russ and I still are good friends.  He is a wonderful person and we will always have each other in our lives.  We are truly soulmates, and have taught one another a lot.  But our time as a couple had an end, and today I love him as my amazing supportive friend.


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