Past-self pays visit!


I have always maintained that if people lay in the open under a moonlit star-studded night sky often enough, they would lead their life very differently. Stargazing lends perspective. I had one such opportunity recently.

I was in Pushkar. 2am. I stepped out of my room and went to the garden area of the hotel. I lay on the ground and started looking at the full moon that shone so bright that it even turned the green garden to a shade of milky white. It was picturesque. It made me reflective. I thought about the life choices that I’ve been making.

What if my past self paid me a visit today; would it be happy with me (his future-self)? Well, I am not very sure. He ought to be upset. He made a few compromises in his time for his future self. He endured an uninspiring relationship and an unbecoming job for some time because it was the ‘right thing to do for future.’ He let himself be defined by the dogma of societal expectations, masquerading as his own plans. But what did he get for all that agony! His future self just threw everything away.

Did I really throw everything away that my past self had worked so hard to build and preserve? Was I a victim of circumstances outside my control? I have considered man to be mightier than the conditions, mostly because he can choose how to react to them. So, did I react well?

I guess we’d never know. One can argue on both sides. But one thing that I have extreme clarity about is that I have no regrets. My past self had to be stripped – of a lot of what he considered meaningful – down to essentials to learn the two most fundamental lessons – the lesson in letting go and the lesson of wanting what you have.

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© 2020 by Rishabh Jhol